In a study measuring sexual arousal, heterosexual women were found to be equally aroused by gay, lesbian and heterosexual sexual scenarios —some would call this “sexual fluidity”. Interesting enough most of the women still said they were mostly aroused by the heterosexual sexual scenarios. Why would this cognitive dissonance exist?
The LGBT community would like us to believe that homosexuality is not a choice. That who one chooses to be with is a deeply embedded part of one’s self —it is an orientation not a preference, and to deny one’s orientation is akin to denying one’s identity. As Muslims our response to this is often to divorce the orientation from the activity, i.e. you may indeed feel attracted to the same sex but you should not act on that attraction, fight against the desires of the nafs as you would with any sin.
Women have preference not orientation
We are often again met with the rallying cry from the LGBT community that their sexual orientation is not merely a behavior but a part of their identity and that it would be an injustice to force them to not be themselves. But research on sexual orientation shows that, at least for women, that choice is already being made by many. Heterosexual women, as we’ve already shared, feel sexually aroused by various sexual scenarios but they still make the choice to have relationships with men. It is not merely sexual arousal that dictates their self-identification, if that were the case many women could rightfully call themselves bi-sexual, clearly other factors are at play in women’s self-identification. This alone shows there is a great deal of choice, it is not merely about who one finds sexually attractive but who one wants to build a life with. And to a larger extent as Muslims we can take this reality to the next step and ask those dealing with same-sex attraction if they can consider not just who they’re attracted to in their life choices and self-identification but also what kind of life they want to live? For whom? And whose pleasure matters more than their own fulfillment?
Men are not ‘fluid’
It’s also important to note the self-identifying lesbian women were only slightly more aroused by lesbian sexual scenarios than by gay and heterosexual sexual scenario. Thus there is not a hardline for lesbian identifying women, they can have a fulfilling relationship with a man if the choose to. But it’s important to recognize that this is not the case for men. Unlike women, gay and straight men did not respond the same to the aforementioned sexual scenarios, their arousal was closely aligned to their self-identification and it was rare for any man, even self-identifying bisexuals to be equally aroused to all scenarios. This is important because this research should alter the way we address men v. the way we address women when dealing with those who suffer from same-sex attraction. For men their sexual orientation is often “hardwired,” it is truly their orientation whereas for women their sexual orientation is better viewed as a preference or as “fluid”.
Different issues, different approaches
The counseling methods, advice and solutions have to reflect this. A lesbian-identifying or same-sex attracted women can be approached in a more holistic manner, they are likely also attracted to men and thus they merely need a motivation to aspire to marriage with a man over being in a relationship with a woman. For men it seems they cannot simply be oriented away from their same-sex attraction and aspire to marriage with a woman, this is a deeply rooted physiological issue. What is the solution? Maybe to marry a woman who is only interested in companionship, maybe to avoid marriage altogether and focus his energy elsewhere, and of course to do whatever possible to lower his sexual desire in totality since it cannot be fulfilled to his satisfaction.
It is beyond the scope of this post but it’s important to note that the LGBT(QA) community has done an excellent job of joining together unrelated issues/orientations/preferences/psychoses. Lesbianism, homosexuality, bisexuality, transgenderism, queerness and asexuality all have almost nothing to do with each other, part of our work has to be untangling the mess and not dealing with the LGBT(QA) community as if were a community at all but as various subgroups lumped in to one and all in need of its own analysis and approach.
To note: As an afterthought I wonder if this is why female homosexuality is never dealt with directly by Allah in the Quran but male homosexuality is. Dr. Bailey, whose work we referenced in this post, shows that there isn’t truly a hard-line between what arouses lesbian women and straight women, so is there any value in this categorical demarcation? Also, this post is not suggesting the media, childhood influences and other factors can’t influence someone’s sexual orientation or preference, inshaAllah we can touch on that in another post as well as preventative methods.
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Further reading:
Why Gender Matters by Leonard Sax: P. 230-238
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Photo Candid shots from… 1962
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