Black Marriages are Failing

Naively I thought the crisis of black marriage would be solved if only we could get people married. If we could convince black people of marriage’s benefits, we could solve our marriage crisis. It’s not that I thought such a cultural shift would be easy but at the very least it would give us a focused plan of action. But I was mistaken, mistaken because I thought the crisis of black marriage was simply in black people not getting married. If that was the crisis then all we needed to do was fix the barriers that prevented people from getting married.

But the crisis of black marriage is far bleaker than that. There is a massive racial gap between blacks and all other races when it comes to getting married. We wait for the longest to get married and have the lowest marriage rates. But that is just one of many shortcomings. Black people also have the highest divorce rates. Black men are over three times as likely as other men to cheat in their marriages to black women. And, perhaps the saddest statistic of all; black men and women report the lowest quality of marital satisfaction when compared to other races.

When it comes to marriage we are the least married, most divorced, least faithful, and unhappiest of all races (amongst Americans). That is a far bleaker reality than merely not getting married, this reality perhaps rightfully would make any black person wonder if marriage (especially a mono-racial marriage) is worthwhile. Of course, I couldn’t say it’s wise to base one’s personal decisions solely on statistical data but these stats should at least give pause to anyone who considers race a major factor in the pursuit of marriage. Black women in particular are the most racially loyal group in the pursuit of romantic partnership yet there are no tangible benefits in taking this approach.

Anyone can make of this data what they will, for me it’s important that when we have conversations about the black marriage crisis we recognize that the crisis is multi-layered and complicated. Simply getting more people married doesn’t matter much if those people end up divorced a few years later. Simply pushing high-earning women to “give a brother a chance” when those marriages are often unsatisfactory, doesn’t work. And encouraging men still looking to “explore their options” and willing to do so post marriage, isn’t setting up marriage for success. And to throw in a Muslim-specific solution, simply encouraging polygamy isn’t of much value when most black men can’t afford this form of marriage.

I’m not sure what the solution to any of this is but if we can at least begin to realize that the marriage crisis in the black community is not simply a “getting married” crisis but a “getting married, staying married, staying faithful, and having a quality marriage” problem we can perhaps begin to find solutions that match the magnitude of the issue instead of simplistic throwaway solutions that mask the depth of our problems. And Allah knows best.

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