Fig & Olive

For a couple of months, I was a teacher for new Muslims and anyone else interested in Islam. I taught them some of the basic rules of Islam the basic beliefs and the culture of Islam. I got very used to this position. It became a part of my identity I was a teacher. I was very proud to have that position. I loved being there in front of the students. I loved that God chose me to spread the religion in this was. I was grateful. The job became more difficult as my studies and various business interests accumulated, but I was still extremely grateful to be a teacher. A few months after working as a teacher I suddenly wasn’t asked to continue. I suppose it’s far too dramatic to say I was “fired” but that’s how it felt. The explanations given didn’t seem to match up, the announcement of my departure abrupt. I was a teacher, then –suddenly, I was not. The reasons I was not asked to come back, I don’t hope to ever be explained but if it were, it wouldn’t explain much of anything. The reason I wasn’t asked back is God’s infinite wisdom. Was I not doing a good job? Was it simply someone else turn? Was it taken away so God could open another door for me? Like this one, here, writing to you.

There are so many speculations I could make and yet the only true answer is that it was God’s decision. I can mope, wine, be angry or accept and it doesn’t change anything. The scenario reminds me of something my anthropology teacher once said, that was all kind of acting. Were playing a part and the worse thing that could possibly happen is for it to be revealed that we aren’t really that thing we purport to be. The example he gave is of a professor, Dr. ‘so and so’, he writes a dissertation and finishes his degree goes on to an academic career and makes a name for him. Only, somehow, it is discovered that he never handed in his dissertation, he wrote, he got it signed and reviewed by his advisor but never handed it into the school administration. Suddenly, despite his work, his effort, the pictures of his graduation day, he is no longer who he says he is. He isn’t actually Dr. ‘so and so’, but who is he? His identity is a state of upheaval. Where can he find himself?

So I’m not a teacher anymore, does that take away my merit? My knowledge? My trustworthiness? I don’t know. There is also the issue of “belongingness”. After being in any place for so long you start to feel like you belong there when it’s taken away you feel as though you don’t belong, despite your reluctance to admit it. A part of my identity was stripped away; someone else took it. The comfort I felt, the “second home” feeling, the camaraderie, the idea that this was “our” organization, was turned around. I was suddenly I was a stranger. Maybe I enjoyed being a teacher too much, so God took it away from me as one of my teachers once said, “we were created for God, that’s it”. And in reality, our prophet (peace to him) said, “Be in this world as if you are a stranger”. So maybe God took my title away to nudge me closer to this reality. There is really no title greater than being a servant of God.

Have you ever felt a part of your identity stripped away when you least expected it? How did you deal with it? And in retrospect what do you think the wisdom was?