Fig & Olive

We often get it confused. We fear empathy because we fear it will move us to incorrect action. We assume that if we empathize with the ‘abuser’ our pity will overwhelm us and cause us to have mercy on him in his actions. But the ‘why’ never has to affect our ’what’ though it can and possibly should affect our ‘how’. Take the example of the aforementioned abuser. Let’s imagine this abuser as a husband who hits his wife. Perhaps he hits his wife because he has childhood trauma where he too was beat down by someone larger than him. This fact, this reasoning, this *why* may affect the wife. She feels sorry for him that he has not been able to experience the kind and open communication she witnessed as a child. Yet, while this empathy will necessarily affect her ‘how,’ i.e. ‘how she feels’ it should not affect her ‘what,’ i.e. what she is going to do.

Actions deserve reactions. As human beings, we have both the blessing and curse of overthinking, emotionality, passivity, and other factors that lead us to inaction. Think of Hamlet, the most obvious action —especially in his time and culture, for him to take was to avenge the murder of his father. But he paused, contemplated, and allowed his inaction to lead to his demise.

While intent is crucial in our relationship with God, we should be cautious of focusing too heavily on intent in our relationships with fellow human beings. Whether or not a cop who shoots a black man (or woman) is racist doesn’t matter as much as the fact that he shot a civilian. His being racist may affect how we feel but it has little to do with the hard facts of such a case —shooting an innocent civilian even if it is a mistake should result in serious consequences for the perpetrator.

Dealing with facts, not feelings, intent, history, or the rest allows us to make immediate decisions most appropriate for a given situation. Dealing with facts forces us to live in a shared reality, not the one we create in our heads. A woman who is the victim of domestic violence may empathize with her husband’s upbringing but that empathy should not move her to change her actions, i.e. no matter his reasoning she should leave the abusive man behind.

You can sympathize from afar. You can analyze ‘the reasons’ some other time. When the lion chases you, run. Once you reach your destination you can begin to contemplate if the ‘poor thing’ was just hungry, but you don’t have to wait around and become its next meal.

Photo credit here