Many will suggest writing a list of “must-haves,” “nice-to-haves,” and deal breakers when looking to get married. While this may be good advice from a practical standpoint I think it’s also important that we also tell a story of how we’d like our marriage to look, the texture and feel of our day-to-day shared existence with another person.
I think a lot of women get so desperate to marry that they try to get down to the “nuts and bolts” of marriage. Some may even say, “At this point, I’ll just take a man with x”. But in a society where women are increasingly bolting from marriages, perhaps the “nuts and bolts” approach doesn’t work in the long run.
Telling a story may also empower us to create our reality to find the most suitable match for a lifetime. Instead of checking off boxes, we can ask, does he fit into my story? Do I envision him truly able to take on the role of the husband of my story? While he may be a “good man,” every woman has to figure out if he’s the right man for them. Sometimes people don’t mesh not because of unchecked boxes but because of unmet expectations.
We all have a subconscious story in our mind and when our partner does live up to it, it feels like they’ve shorted us in some way. Telling the story consciously allows us to measure whether or not a potential spouse fits into that role.
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