Sometimes I have to realize that being a black women privies me to different conversations and a different reality from fellow Muslim women (at least the dominant voices). While they find their footing in Feminism, question obeying their husbands, desire easier access to divorce, and assert their independence (But Khadijah Worked). In the black community, black women are *finally* having conversations about hypergamy (so they can afford to stay home), femininity, submission, and marriage longevity.
Among one non-Muslim (admittedly cult-like) black group focused on preparing women for marriage the leader tells women that their husband is their god and makes them prostrate to him on their wedding day. This may be extreme, but hardly. One man on social media has gained a massive following from his call-in show where black women are demeaned while told all the ways in which they must increase their submission. Black women, whose demographic has outrageously high ‘never married’ and ‘divorce’ rates are desperate for solutions. For some, even if the “solution” is literal prostration and public humiliation, if it could possibly increase their chances of getting married, they’ll take it.
This brings me to another popular talking point prominent in Muslim women’s discourse. While Muslim women seem to be severely concerned about their ability to get divorced (i.e. ease of access). The relevance of this discussion is non-existent for black people (including black Muslims). Black Muslim women* have no problem getting divorced, it’s staying married that is a far more relevant struggle. While being divorced has a huge stigma in some Muslim communities, the black Muslim community isn’t one of them, I’d argue that we’d benefit from having stigma around divorce.
For one more example —which I already alluded to briefly, while Muslim women seem very concerned with asserting their ability to work and fearful of their dependence on men, black (Muslim) women hope to find a man who will at least meet them halfway, finding a man who fully provides for them is a rare fortune.
The point in all these examples is that Muslim women’s discourse, just like Feminism, is ethnocentric. It naively believes itself to discuss “Muslim women’s issues” when it in fact focuses on one (or a few) culture’s issues within the Muslim community at the expense of ignoring others. The point is not for any group to stop having conversations that are valuable to their community, we all should. Nor is this an effort to say there is no legitimate ‘Muslim women’s discourse’ —like I’ve spoken about in reference to Feminism, there are indeed issues that all women share. But when we talk about Muslim women we should recognize that we are apt to generalize. Prone to mask our cultural issues as gender issues and delegitimize the concerns of subgroups within the larger group we are claiming to help. When you claim ‘x is a Muslim women’s issue’ please ask yourself, does this apply to all or even most Muslim women within various subgroups of the Muslim community or is this an issue specific to one particular culture that would be more accurately framed as ‘culture x’s problem’?
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Image: Photo by Nadine Ijewere, source.
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