Fig & Olive

In verse 4:34 God tells men to use physical discipline as a last resort in dealing with marital conflict, “…advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them [lightly]. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them”. In verse 4:3 God tells men to only marry one woman if they cannot manage to be fair in polygyny —while restricting polygyny itself to up to 4 women, “…marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one”. In verse 58:3 God expands the possibilities for slaves to gain freedom by making it an obligation for repentance, “Those who divorce their wives in this manner, then ˹wish to˺ retract what they said, must free a slave before they touch each other…”

One may wonder; why doesn’t God simply forbid polygyny? Prohibit physical force in marriage? Or end slavery once and for all? Let me first say, I don’t know. But in reflecting on these issues (putting aside the practical wisdom for each) I couldn’t help but think, “Religion is for people, not saints”. Take verse 4:34, while some men would never imagine hitting their wives others default to violence given the slightest conflict. Whole cultures promote and accept domestic violence as a part of life. A man from such a culture or personal disposition is forced to reckon with the fact that God doesn’t give him the right to hit his wife as a first response. God does not allow violence to be his default reaction. Verse 4:34 indirectly admonishes the man whose immediate reaction is violence and empowers his wife to call him out for his wrongdoing.

Allah, in His wisdom, leaves these existent human behaviors available in some form but severely restricts and/or leads them on the path to a gradual demise. Domestic Violence essentially ceases to exist when physical force is no longer an acceptable first option, polygyny is severely restricted when Allah dictates it must be done fairly and warns that few men can do so, and given that sin is abundant slavery gradually recedes as people seek forgiveness from God through freeing slaves. 

I suppose my point is that the legality of slavery, polygyny, and physical force in marriage may be hard to accept, for the one who is monogamous, celebrates the end of slavery as a national holiday, and would never dream of hitting his wife. He, for example, already believes polygyny is (tends to be) unjust, violence in marriage is never ok, and slavery was a reprehensible institution. That’s largely a good thing, but he should not see these verses as permission to do the aforementioned but as restrictions for those who may already engage in that behavior. He should recognize that the Quran was not solely written for him but for all types of people to address all types of problems. 

He should not wish to jump through hoops and pretend the Quran does not mean what it says simply because he may not suffer from a particular propensity. The Quran is for all types of people, at all times, and in all places. While we may not incline towards the above-mentioned issues perhaps the Quran ‘calls us out’ indirectly for suffering from another —lack of empathy, ethnocentrism, egotism. 

Photo by Elia Pellegrini on Unsplash