All of the things

November 24, 2014

Surrendered to self preservation, which hurts just like anything else

So today is the beginning of my self improvement in studying, health and computer use. It’s not been going so great except computer use, I do plan to get off at 8pm -in one hour, as I promised myself. Arabic didn’t beat me up as much today, Alhumduillah. Tomorrow is the latifiyyah dhikr which is my favorite! I just love this dhikr so much, makes me happy, Alhumduillah. I’m trying to make sure I attend at least three sessions in the Zawiya each week consistently and more whenever I can. In one sense I’d be hard to be here and not be studying Arabic, have a job, or family because there isn’t really that much to do and all the classes are in the evening. In another sense it’s tough when you are working or studying because your strength and energy are being put in to those things and eventually you can start making the Zawiya classes your second priority.

I was talking to a friend here about living here and other things. She and her family plan to stay as long as they can. Though they -she especially, miss back home she wants to be here for the kids’ sake. She told me that her sister mentioned to her that where they’re from there’s been a recent scandal with girls sending nude selfies of themselves, this is currently news in America also, what floored me is that these were Muslim girls! Really I fear for girls today it was bad enough when I was growing up, really bad. But technology has amplified things and given kids the ability to reach all new lows.

In America another young black boy was recently shot by police officers. Since I’ve been a kid I’ve heard the same story over and over again. The only difference with these last couple of cases, especially in Ferguson, people haven’t given up on ‘fighting the good fight’. I feel helpless in these issues, don’t know what to do, I just know how I feel. Grief, sadness, rage, helplessness. I’m forever grateful to God that my nephews especially my eldest, live elsewhere. I remember my nephew telling me that he was outside with his brother one day, playing somewhere they weren’t suppose to. A police officer came and told them to get down, they did and he said “If you were older I’d arrest you”. I remember being a teenager and the way my male friends would get stopped by the police randomly, no cause. They certainly weren’t all innocent but in the cops minds it was guilty until proven otherwise.

The world is evil enough to have to think of adding the burden of race in raising a son, I can’t imagine it.

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